IN CHARGE PARENTS REVERSE THE BULLYING DYNAMIC

IN CHARGE PARENTS REVERSE THE BULLYING DYNAMIC

By Domenick J. Maglio, Ph.D., Traditional Realist

Parents need to be “in charge” to demonstrate to their children that they are strong. This is essential for children need to know that their parents are strong enough to protect them from people who want to take advantage of them. They are the original and ultimate authority figures.

Parents lay down the foundation of respect for following the rules and learning to listen to adults. Every other authority figure in the child’s life such as teacher, police, minister and coach are or are not going to be respected depending on the authority the parents have established in the home.

Too many modern parents are over protecting their children from a lack of faith in their parenting skills and their youngster’s ability to mature into a courageous and independent person. This lack of belief in their child to grow into a formidable person becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The reverse dynamic occurs when a child views the parent as weak. He realizes his parents do not possess the gumption to protect him. This uncertainty in the parent’s inner strength turns the child inward to handle his own affairs in an awkward or anxious manner. He has no back up.

An angry ungrateful child will seek out naïve, weaker ones to intimidate. If the target child does not pass the test in front of his peers, he will be relentlessly exploited. Unfortunately this child will probably not report this problem to his weak parents. He feels that the intimidator is stronger than his wimpy parent and realizes his parent will not do anything to stop it.

Too frequently in bullying situations, the “victim” (child) will duplicate what he experienced with the bully on another child. He will use what he learned from the bully on an even weaker child. This pathetic cycle of being abused and abusing others usually will continue until the child gets mentally strong enough to stand up to the bully.

The toughest appearing bully when confronted by a stronger person will react as a subservient “wimp.” A youngster that chooses to bully a more vulnerable child is an insecure individual. When a child becomes an emotionally secure person he or she has no need to torment others. This emotional strength is galvanized only when she stands down someone who tries to bully her.

It is the actions of the child that show he has had enough by refusing to take any more nonsense that stops the bullying game.

Once a wimp courageously stands down a bully verbally or physically confronting the bully, the child will no longer be considered a wimp to himself. He will no longer need to bully or be bullied. He will be more confident in his ability to handle his own battles.

In charge parents have inherent faith in their children based on their strong child rearing practices. They are parents who work hard to instill traditional values and thought processes into the minds of their child. Moderate spanking is employed when the child is in the toddler stage to get his attention and reinforce the parent’s knowledge of reality.

The reality-oriented parent understands that age and size differences between the peers should be reasonably close. This equalization of size and age eliminates many potential bullying incidents where the child would be at a severe disadvantage to stand up for himself. These strong parents will encourage their child to stand up to the bully since they realize the bully then and only then will leave him alone.

Knowing the bully will search out a weaker target so as not to be exposed as the coward he is. While the weak parent will teach that giving in is the best policy for their child with bullies. Parent’s interaction with their child sets the tone of how the child will perceive himself.

The reality is a bully is a wimp and a wimp is a bully depending on the circumstances.  Weak parents have a difficult time giving encouragement to their child to grow up. When parents are fearless in dealing with their child they are role-modeling strength.

This show of strength teaches the child the parent can protect him or her. It sets an expectation that the parent will be disappointed or upset if their child does not follow suit. The powerful parents develop stronger youngsters while the reverse is true for the wimpy ones. A parent who is confident is his child’s ability to handle his own problems empowers him.

An in charge parent has prepared his child to be strong whenever confronted by a bully. The children who believe in themselves present themselves in a competent and determined manner. Strong parents foster confidence in their children that naturally repels bullies.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.